a story from my old americorps boss:
Her grade-school aged son is currently taking age-appropriate “Sex Ed,” which is basically just giving kids the primer info on the changes that are about to happen to their bodies. Anywho, apparently this evening, she got to spend dinner discussing her monthly cycle and the use of what he called “tampoons.” I guess what I’m saying is, I’m calling them Tampoons...
another million high-fives!
INTERNET! Last winter, I found myself helping a friend out of a crappy and terrible situation. Not just crappy and terrible, but the crappiest and the terriblist of all situations. I mean it. I wouldn’t wish that kind of awfulness on someone I didn’t like, much less a dear friend. Anywho. She’s now very much on the other side of it, with the last of the loose ends tied up...
a poem from my oldest sibling, father of two.
“In days of old, when Knights were bold And toilets weren’t invented Men dropped their load On the side of the road And walked off, quite contented.” Happy Holidays from my family to yours.
Mom: “The first time I saw a Gaga video, I had the stomach flu and I was up in the middle of the night, and she was on the music channel and i watched her whole video and it was disgusting.” Me: “Which video?” Mom: “I don’t know, but she had some weird clothes on and all these male dancers wearing penis clothing and they were all humping each other. I...
A Very Gaga Thanksgiving
The most confusing thing that has happened this whole show? “I’m Italian, so when we crack our eggs, we just put them right on the table.” GAGA. WHAT. THAT ISN’T EVEN A CULTURAL THING. IT IS JUST KINDA GROSS! “My cultural heritage is to just throw salmonella-laden trash on the table while we cook! HAHA!” Also, she looks a bit like Stan Sitwell.
I'm sorry but every single organized protest...
stfuconservatives: and when the dust settles and the world is hopefully a little bit better do you really want to look back on it and say “Boy, I’m sure glad I complained about the traffic.”? -Joe OMG, are the peasants storming the Bastille? Ugh, I’m going to be late for Pub Trivia Night. THANKS A LOT, “REVOLUTION.”
cosmo tip #58
nineplanets: expertcosmotips: Do you know your man’s favorite food? Surprise (and please) him by leaving a plate of it under the bedcovers, so that when he goes to bed that night, he sees it and/or sits on it. Mmmmm cholula and Pop Chips and sheets. Cottony crunchy spicy deliciousness. “Honey, why are there hotwings in the bed?”
animalsbeingdicks: No one knew when Kobayashi would strike until it was too late.
so anyway, i coughed up blood this morning
Got your attention, right? Yeah, it fucking got my attention, too. I’ll save you the drama — it wasn’t anything serious, it just turns out you can burst capillaries in your throat if you cough too hard and too frequently, as I have been doing all week. But in the moment, before the sensible part that remembers what Dr. Google would say (Please seek prompt medical assistance),...