Last night i drank a lot with people I work with...
I don’t own a smartphone and don’t think I need one right now, except for those times when I’m in public and I see a hand-drawn sign that says “URGENT! WE NEED A CANOE! WE WILL PAY CASH!” with a phone number under it.
The Most Pressing Issue of our Times
When are we all going to agree that the slideshow format on news and pop culture websites is the WORST format for all lists? It’s inaccurately named, too. There’s nothing “Slide” about it. It should be called, “Refresh your browser because we’re going to get stuck on one picture at some point and also you’ll have to scroll down again once you get to the...
OMG I effing hate being a mom on Facebook. Everyone is all like DO YOU NEED...– Excerpts from an e-mail from a friend who is a new mom. I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS.
into the crevasse.
70yo Client: I could be watching the news right now but it makes me so angry right now. Congress is being so ridiculous. Me: They are. Client: I have half a mind to march to Washington right now and give the speaker a talking-to. Me: If anyone could, it would be you. Client: I mean, this is absurd. You want to destroy this country because you want to play a game of, what is that?...
I just made a phone call to a place called "Ball...
What has your job made you do today?
So, the whistleblower who kick started the News of... →
stfuconservatives: damekatharsis: thetart: redlightpolitics: Police says his death is “unexplainable”. BECAUSE NEWS CORP IS THE DEVIL! Jesus fucking christ. Whoa. Well of course the police are saying that, News Corp owns the London police! -Joe …Uh, what? Is it weird that my brain went straight to Law and Order: Criminal Intent? It did. I watch too much of that show.
so much f***ing grain get ready to be pooping all... →
looks like we're going to have a government
Me: So looks like you get to go back to work next week! Client (who works for the state): Yep! It’s kinda perverse, though. Earlier this week, I wanted nothing more than to go back to work. Now, I’d kinda like another week off. Me: Well, we’ll see if this deal sticks. Client: You know what I think it was? I think it was the beer thing. Me: The beer thing? Client: Yeah, bars...
Milk Ads Sexist or Funny? Vote now! →
stfuconservatives: stfusexists: whitejak444: stfufauxminists: stfusexists: The answer is obviously sexist, since humor often involves originality and forethought. Please, tumblr, go vote for the right answer. God forbid men joke about something that REALLY HAPPENS. Women, seriously. You have periods. It pisses you off. You become bitches. 9,999 out of 10,000 times. You call it...
in answer to the question "how big is your cat...
That is twelve pounds of solid ass-ache. And here’s what that looks like when you unfurl it: His mother was a barn cat, his father was apparently a mountain lion.
Chatty 70-year-old Client: We should do smoothies here. But only smoothies. We don’t want to compete with Starbucks. Me: Starbucks does smoothies. Client: Oh. Then we should do something they can’t do. Like mimosas.
animalsbeingdicks: Yolanda was less than impressed with Stephanie’s form. 1) That cat looks like Hermes 2) Hermes would totally do that because he is a DICKHEAD.
when good food goes bad.
Little Bundle of Common-Sense: You’re making your own stock for that recipe? Me: Yep. It doesn’t take too long. LBCS: Truly, better than bullion is so good and easy. Me: Well, it’s a good way to get rid of veggies that are about to go bad. LBCS: True, true. I just forced down an avocado that was about to hijack the fridge and hold it for ransom.
It's no big deal, you guys. Just a representative... →
Apparently her belief on fucking SLAVERY was thrown into question. It’s no big deal, everyone. She doesn’t think slavery was GREAT. She just agrees with a coalition that thought that one fortunate side effect of slavery was two-parent households! Well, two parent shacks. Well, maybe not both parents if one of them got sold to someone else. And also, once that child is done...
well this is awkward
Time to go to bed but apparently a doomstorm is headed my way. What to do, what to do. You know it’s serious. Sven left the tanning bed to report on it.
animalsbeingdicks: Penny has been a real bitch since inventing that hovercraft. Marcus wasn’t the first to notice this.
Quite literally, the first thing I learned about Casey Anthony through osmosis...– - Amanda Marcotte, The Casey Anthony Case @ Pandagon This is what bugged me about reaction to her acquittal. I mean, it doesn’t look like she should have been acquitted, but if she was the fault lies with the prosecution making a poor case and the credit goes to what is probably a very good...
Naked Wausau man arrested after defecating in... →
My hometown, ladies and gentlemen.